It was once, not that long ago, that I dreamed of a better life. Better is a subject term, and by most accounts, it does seem better. I graduated college last year, achieved my life long dream of becoming an engineer, started my engineering career. Not much to complain about, but deep down inside, I feel empty, lost. I am kind of just floating around waiting for time to pass, for the days to end, rolling over till the dawn, when I wake up at 4 am to go to work. I stopped dreaming, well not necessarily, I stopped dreaming while I’m awake.
I find myself sleeping a lot more, spending a lot more time dreaming while I’m asleep. It’s something new to me, much like my surroundings. I’ve moved out of the city for a job, for a career; something I’ve regrated since the day I signed my lease. I used to be full of ambition in comparison to last year. I had a drive, an admission, but I look at myself now, and don’t see the man whom I wished to see last year. I barely know what to write, what to do, what to even look forward to tomorrow. There’s so much I haven’t done, haven’t loved, yet I still feel awful, quite horrible about myself.
I guess this is it for now, don’t have much else to write.
see you next year, hopefully something good happens in the next 12 months.
5/31/25
Charlie Calixto-Ramos
(Happy Birthday)
